A few random snippets of conversation from our house

Critter: Mom, I had a squishy orange in my backpack from lunch

Bride: did you eat it?

Critter: No, I tried to blow it up.

Bride: Oh, were you successful?

Critter: No. I used the bike pump and the air just hisses out.

I think I teared up a bit. Those are my genes showing through right there.  But still. Probably time to hide the lighter fluid.




Bride: Have you seen my shoes? I need to go poop.

Me: I do not live in a world where I can make those two things relate to one another.




Bride: I just caught your four year old son endlessly singing the theme to New Girl. He knows all the words.

Me: In his defense: that Zooey Deschanel is way hotter than her sister Emily. 


For the record, this is NOT normal.

My Bride: Did I ever tell you that I don't like to touch milk? 

Me: You mean "share." 

My Bride: What?

Me: You don't like to share milk. Even with your children. Which is weird, and kind of selfish. But we accept you anyay.

My Bride: No. I mean, yes: sharing milk is gross. But I don't like to touch milk. 

Me: Why would you need to touch milk? When does this come up? 

My Bride: Also, I don't like ketchup except when it's on things. 

Me: What are we talking about? When would you have ketchup by itself? 

My Bride: It feels icky. And then my hands smell like ketchup. Or milk. 

Me: I'm lost. 

My Bride: Try to keep up. This is the same reason I only eat watermelon with a fork, after it's been cut up. 

Me: We've been married for almost 18 years. And you are still a mystery. 

My Bride: I'm totally normal.