My Bride: Did I ever tell you that I don't like to touch milk?
Me: You mean "share."
My Bride: What?
Me: You don't like to share milk. Even with your children. Which is weird, and kind of selfish. But we accept you anyay.
My Bride: No. I mean, yes: sharing milk is gross. But I don't like to touch milk.
Me: Why would you need to touch milk? When does this come up?
My Bride: Also, I don't like ketchup except when it's on things.
Me: What are we talking about? When would you have ketchup by itself?
My Bride: It feels icky. And then my hands smell like ketchup. Or milk.
Me: I'm lost.
My Bride: Try to keep up. This is the same reason I only eat watermelon with a fork, after it's been cut up.
Me: We've been married for almost 18 years. And you are still a mystery.
My Bride: I'm totally normal.