Critter: Mom, I had a squishy orange in my backpack from lunch
Bride: did you eat it?
Critter: No, I tried to blow it up.
Bride: Oh, were you successful?
Critter: No. I used the bike pump and the air just hisses out.
I think I teared up a bit. Those are my genes showing through right there. But still. Probably time to hide the lighter fluid.
Bride: Have you seen my shoes? I need to go poop.
Me: I do not live in a world where I can make those two things relate to one another.
Bride: I just caught your four year old son endlessly singing the theme to New Girl. He knows all the words.
Me: In his defense: that Zooey Deschanel is way hotter than her sister Emily.