Dirty talk on the playground

Today my bride and I were sitting on the bench at the playground while the Critter played on the slide and such. I was reading my book, and petting the neigbor's dog. He's a friendly thing, but for some reason, we had been calling him 'her' until today. 'She' rolled over and I said 'Whoops. This one's a boy.'

The Critter has recently been classifying everything as 'boy' or 'girl.' Having just turned 3 a month ago, she's pretty sure the distinction has something to do with who likes the color pink more and who gets to wear the pretty dresses. (Which is why she's confused as hell when I wear a kilt).

She perked up when I said this and said 'Why is he a boy, Daddy?'

Ok, I thought, she's 3 now. The books say I'm supposed to speak plainly about the facts here. 'Because he's got a penis.'

The critter paused for a moment to take this in. At this point, my bride looked up at me like 'are you sure you know what you're doing?'

Critter: 'Why does he have a penis, Dad?'

My bride - supporting wife that she is - was now on the ground laughing at me. Screw the books. My 3 year old just said penis. I am so not ready for this conversation.

'You're grounded. Go back in the house. We will finish this conversation later. Like when you're 30.'