How can I offer you super-fantastic service today?

About every three or four months, our friendly bank decides that we shouldn't live in the UK.

At least, that must be what's going on. Because they all of a sudden decide that a random transaction is "fishy", and they freeze the account. I appreciate that they're trying to look out for my interests, really I do. I know fraud is a problem. But I've seen circus monkeys who are quicker on the uptake.

Voice on the phone: Hello - how can I provide you with super-fantastic service today?*
Me: You've frozen my account again. Please undo that.
Voice: Well sir, your account was flagged for suspicious activity.
Me: What was so suspicious this time?
Voice: Someone was charging gas on your card. In England.
Me: At Uriah Heep's Gas 'n' Guzzle**? Um, yeah. That was me. I live here.
Voice: Oh. When did you start your trip abroad?
Me: No. Not a trip. I live here.
Voice: Oh! I see sir. For your future reference, you should call us and tell us when you're relocating.
Me: ...! I've lived here for nearly two years now. Do me a favor and read me what you have listed as my home address.
Voice: Um... Frod-sham, Che-shire, Great Britain.
Me: Right. That's where you've been sending me my statements for the past two years. Which means I've pretty much told you, yes?
Voice: I guess you must have. Well, we did try and call you. It says in the record that we left a message.
Me: What number did you use?
Voice: We don't have a phone number for you.
Me: Really? That must have made leaving a message tricky.
Voice: Wait a minute.
Me: ...
Me: ...
Me: ...
Voice: Ok, the note here says they called this other number. It's not where the normal numbers are.
Me: That's probably because it's international.
Voice: It begins with 44?
Me: Yes. That's because I live England now. Which means I'm generally going to be using my card in England. Please note that in your system once again.
Voice: OK sir. It's been noted. This shouldn't happen again.

Every 4 months like clockwork...

* I swear, she actually said this.
** OK, I made that place up. But I'd totally buy my gas there, wouldn't you?