About every three or four months, our friendly bank decides that we shouldn't live in the UK.
At least, that must be what's going on. Because they all of a sudden decide that a random transaction is "fishy", and they freeze the account. I appreciate that they're trying to look out for my interests, really I do. I know fraud is a problem. But I've seen circus monkeys who are quicker on the uptake.
Voice on the phone: Hello - how can I provide you with super-fantastic service today?*
Me: You've frozen my account again. Please undo that.
Voice: Well sir, your account was flagged for suspicious activity.
Me: What was so suspicious this time?
Voice: Someone was charging gas on your card. In England.
Me: At Uriah Heep's Gas 'n' Guzzle**? Um, yeah. That was me. I live here.
Voice: Oh. When did you start your trip abroad?
Me: No. Not a trip. I live here.
Voice: Oh! I see sir. For your future reference, you should call us and tell us when you're relocating.
Me: ...! I've lived here for nearly two years now. Do me a favor and read me what you have listed as my home address.
Voice: Um... Frod-sham, Che-shire, Great Britain.
Me: Right. That's where you've been sending me my statements for the past two years. Which means I've pretty much told you, yes?
Voice: I guess you must have. Well, we did try and call you. It says in the record that we left a message.
Me: What number did you use?
Voice: We don't have a phone number for you.
Me: Really? That must have made leaving a message tricky.
Voice: Wait a minute.
Voice: Ok, the note here says they called this other number. It's not where the normal numbers are.
Me: That's probably because it's international.
Voice: It begins with 44?
Me: Yes. That's because I live England now. Which means I'm generally going to be using my card in England. Please note that in your system once again.
Voice: OK sir. It's been noted. This shouldn't happen again.
Every 4 months like clockwork...
* I swear, she actually said this.
** OK, I made that place up. But I'd totally buy my gas there, wouldn't you?