From the book of Guy Inventions

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Bob's Rod Holder and other man inventions
For years the typical guy faced an unfortunate dilemma: the only way he could maintain his rod in a highly desirable, upright position was to grasp it firmly with both hands. This required tremendous concentration and stamina and, the second he loosened his grip, that rod would droop significantly. This was a source of great embarrassment and shame for many guys. Bob's device changed all that. That same guy is now able to keep his rod up and at the ready for hours at a time. Thanks to Bob, he has the confidence to strut proudly up and down the pier - ready to leap into action at the first sign of a tug or nibble - while men and women alike gaze upon his equipment with a mixture of astonishment and admiration
Seriously. It's a problem that needed addressing.
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As long as it's not 'ihavecandygetinthevan'

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The other night, my six year old daughter and I sat down to watch Survivor: Seventh Circle of Hell, or where ever they're sending them these days. It's been four years since I've seen Survivor, as they don't export Jeff Probst to the United Kingdom, and I was looking forward to introducing the Critter to the one that started them all. She was a little mystified by the premise at first. And why they were wearing such odd clothes if they were all going camping. But she totally got into it with me, and twenty minutes in, she and I had already picked our favorites and were loudly mocking the other 90% of the contestants. For those of you who haven't seen it, you should seek help. Also, you should know that there's a fairly moronic contestant this season who goes by the nick name "Sugar" and has told all the other contestants that she's marooned with that she's a "pin up model" even though she let the cameraman in on the secret that she's really an aspiring actress. But shhhh. Don't tell... Um. Yeah. Ok. I am sure all the other contestants are fooled. The Critter and I are predicting that this girl is the first one to get eaten by a crocodile. Critter: Is her name 'Sugar'? Me: I think that's not her real name. Just her nickname. Critter: Oh. Me: You know. Kind of like how your nickname is 'Monkey Butt'. Critter: 'Monkey Butt's' not my nick name! Me: Is too. That's why we all call you that. (Note: I just made this up on the spot. I don't think I've ever called her 'Monkey Butt' before. Please don't call Child Services on me for that. There are plenty of better reasons.) Critter: No. 'Ella's' my nick name. 'Eleanor' is my real name. 'Monkey Butt' is my user name. You know. For when I'm on the computer. What the hell? User name? Where did my 6 year old master this concept? And where is she going that she has a user name of 'Monkey Butt'? At least I feel better that if she's online with the user name like 'Monkey Butt', she's probably going to be overlooked by your typical online wacko. But still. I think it's time for more of those internet controls to be applied...
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