How can I offer you super-fantastic service today?

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About every three or four months, our friendly bank decides that we shouldn't live in the UK. At least, that must be what's going on. Because they all of a sudden decide that a random transaction is "fishy", and they freeze the account. I appreciate that they're trying to look out for my interests, really I do. I know fraud is a problem. But I've seen circus monkeys who are quicker on the uptake. Voice on the phone: Hello - how can I provide you with super-fantastic service today?* Me: You've frozen my account again. Please undo that. Voice: Well sir, your account was flagged for suspicious activity. Me: What was so suspicious this time? Voice: Someone was charging gas on your card. In England. Me: At Uriah Heep's Gas 'n' Guzzle**? Um, yeah. That was me. I live here. Voice: Oh. When did you start your trip abroad? Me: No. Not a trip. I live here. Voice: Oh! I see sir. For your future reference, you should call us and tell us when you're relocating. Me: ...! I've lived here for nearly two years now. Do me a favor and read me what you have listed as my home address. Voice: Um... Frod-sham, Che-shire, Great Britain. Me: Right. That's where you've been sending me my statements for the past two years. Which means I've pretty much told you, yes? Voice: I guess you must have. Well, we did try and call you. It says in the record that we left a message. Me: What number did you use? Voice: We don't have a phone number for you. Me: Really? That must have made leaving a message tricky. Voice: Wait a minute. Me: ... Me: ... Me: ... Voice: Ok, the note here says they called this other number. It's not where the normal numbers are. Me: That's probably because it's international. Voice: It begins with 44? Me: Yes. That's because I live England now. Which means I'm generally going to be using my card in England. Please note that in your system once again. Voice: OK sir. It's been noted. This shouldn't happen again. Every 4 months like clockwork... * I swear, she actually said this. ** OK, I made that place up. But I'd totally buy my gas there, wouldn't you?
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People Who Walk

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Lately, the Critter has hit that age where she goes off and plays outside with the neighbor kids, and we don't feel like we have to provide constant adult supervision. Partly that's because she's a pretty good kid overall. Partly it's because we live way out on a farm where there's not a lot around she could get into and hurt herself. Except the livestock. And the tractors. And the river. But you know, other than that, it's pretty safe. Today, the neighbor kid - another little girl just a couple of years older than our Critter - had to go with her family someplace, and left the Critter to her own devices. My bride and I were spending our Sunday afternoon in one of our favorite ways - on the couch, alternating between reading a crap book, and watching a crap movie when the Critter walked in. She looked at us in our near-vegitative state and said "We could go on a walk!" My bride and I looked at each other and burst out laughing. "This is your mother. I am your father. From your statement, it's clear that you have us confused with some strangers. Some kind of alternate-universe family made of people who walk." Kids. They're funny. We sent her back out to play in the sheep field. That should keep her entertained long enough for us to finish Anacondas 2
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