So I'm back in the US for the first time since I moved. Here are the things that are weird:

I went to the ATM, and all the bills that came out were the same color and size, and actually fit in my wallet.

When I'm given change for a 20, it doesn't weigh 12 pounds

The lanes on the highways here are really freaking wide

The corollary to that is parking spaces are wide enough to park something bigger than a moped in

The bathtub in my room doesn't require a step ladder to get in

They looked at me funny when I asked for vinegar to go on my fries

I don't have to sell an organ to raise the scratch necessary to buy anything electronic When I balance this with the pleasant parts of living on a horse farm, I realize I don't miss living in the Bay Area near as much as I thought I did.

Haiku O' Truth Events featuring "Veggie Party Platters" are Not, in fact, parties

Today I went to try a new place for lunch - a sandwich shop a la Subway just a block over from the office. Me: 'Can I have my sandwich on a baguette?' Sandwich Lady: 'We're out of baguettes. We have French sticks though.' Me: 'Um. Ok. French stick. Can I have mustard please?' SL: 'English or French mustard?' Me: 'French, please.' SL: 'We're out of French. We only have English mustard.' Me: 'Tell you what. Surprise me.'