I do not, however, own a monocle. Because that would be ridiculous.

"Daddy, I need a top hat for a spirit week at school. Where am I going to find a top hat?"

"I have a top hat."

"Really?? Why do you have a top hat??"

"One is either the type of person that owns a top hat, or the type of person that needs a top hat. You are the latter. Fortunately for you, I am the former."