To my seatmate on flight KL6055

Dear 1A,

I am so very, very excited for you that you finally got a seat in business class on your first inter-continental flight. I'm glad that you find the number of buttons and seat positions fascinating and worth hours of fiddling and readjustment. And that you are excited by the little individual TV. I like those, too. Sure, I found the novelty of stopping and starting a new program every few seconds wore off after the first half hour, but, hey, I'm glad you still thought it was really cool seven hours into the flight. And, yes, I'm sure the catering service which provided KLM the meals on our flight will be appreciative that you enjoyed every morsel of the lunch service, and that you even stopped the flight attendant a couple of times as she passed by to say so. Yes, I'm also glad that they give us a set of silverware that doesn't contain a spork. And yes, your assessment that it's all so "neato" is fair summary of the whole experience.

But please let me explain. When I turn on the movie, put my headphones on and close my f***ing eyes, that means I don't want to talk to you, even if you are really, really excited about being there. Don't take it personally, but especially when the plane, as ours was, is delayed seven hours from when we were supposed to be taking off. I'm pretty much past the 'chatty' mood. It's not you, it's me. So please, I hope we can still be friends.

Just friends who never ever speak to each other.

Your pal,
The guy in seat 1B