Chainsaws on a plane

Items banned at airports find a home in the discount bin CONCORD, N.H. -- Why on earth someone would ever pack a claw hammer or a hacksaw in an airplane carry-on bag remains a mystery to Tom Zekos. All he knows is that he loves the chance to get top-quality tools for his workshop for $1 each, thanks to a unique bazaar, in the middle of a corn field, that sells contraband items seized at Logan International Airport and three other New England airports. The vast majority of non lighter items seized are knives. But TSA Logan officials see plenty of bizarre objects. Inside a guarded room at Logan recently were a citrus juicer, rotary saw, drywall knife, replica hand grenades, a belt buckle the shape of a derringer handgun, machetes, double-sided razor blades, food-processor blades, .50-caliber ammunition, golf clubs, and a cricket bat. In recent years two fully-fueled chainsaws have showed up in Logan travelers' carry-on bags. Invariably, people say they forgot the banned item was in their bag.
If you outlaw chainsaws, soon only outlaws will have chainsaws.
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DVR failure = free sheep offal

Last night, our Sky+ box gave up it's battle and died. For months now, the poor little TiVo wannabe has struggled with the digital equivalent of sanity. It periodically freezes up. It would drop things out of its memory at random intervals. It would struggle to keep up with input from the remote control. It would leave the milk out on the counter to spoil instead of putting it back in the refrigerator. It's never been the swiftest kid on the block. Sky+ is about four years behind Tivo in software and user interface, but it's pretty much the only digital video recording game in town over here in Britain-land. And usually a hard power reset (i.e. unplugging it for a few minutes) was enough to shake the cobwebs loose and get it going again. It takes a lot for us to work up the nerve to actually call the Sky helpdesk. It's located someplace in the wilds of northernmost Scotland, to judge from the accents of the people manning the phones. Apparently, they took "off-shoring" to mean Orkney. I have an easier time deciphering the ramblings of Kim Jong-Il than I do understanding the accent of your typical Sky staff member. But last night, my TV mocked every attempt to get it to record the X Factor. (Don't judge me. It's sadly the best thing on TV this time of year.) It screamed "Technical Fault" repeatedly and belched up something gritty, which meant I had to call the service line again, and arrange for an engineer to come out to give the box its last rites and replace it with a healthier - hopefully saner - version. Unfortunately, the first available opening is over two weeks away. Two weeks without pseudo-TiVo? What the hell? You expect me to watch TV real time? Are you serious, people? I'm not exactly sure I understood her answer, but I think she promised to compensate us for the inconvenience with some credit to our monthly bill and a free haggis. I've got to admit, that's one thing I'd never get from TiVo.
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Short brains

The Critter is at that stage where she is bound and determined to figure out how everything works. I've been pretty impressed at how she applies logic and the power of (four-year-old) deduction to determining the why's and what's of things. I don't remember exactly what we were talking about: maybe something to do with where do babies come from or whether or not perfluorocarbon deoxygenates during partial liquid ventilation (the answer: it's time dependant). Whatever the topic was, I was suitably impressed again at her reasoning and told her so. Me: Wow - that's pretty good. You're a smart cookie. Critter: Yep. That's because I have hard brains. Me: You have what? Critter: Hard brains. Some people have hard brains. Like me. Me: What about me? Do I have hard brains? Critter: No. You have short brains. Me: Short brains? Critter: Yeah. 'Cause you're a boy. Yeah. Well. OK, yeah.
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