A few months ago, I was asked to come speak at a conference by an industry group. The title of the presentation to be was "A Case Study in How My Company Created A Quantifiable IT Center Of Excellence With Lots Of Charts And Graphs In Five Easy Steps." (You're on the edge of your seat already, I can tell). I was mildly flattered and more than a bit surprised that anyone would actually want to have me fill more of their time with my blather, and quite honestly, I have more stuff going on than I have hours in the day, so normally, I would have declined. But then I figured out the date coincided with the Critter's term break. And, oh yeah, did I mention the conference is at a Disney World resort property in Florida? So yeah, I was on that conference like white on rice, as they say. The only problem with a trip to Orlando is that you have to get on a plane going to Orlando. Of course, every other kid in Britain is on term break at the same time. And the British instituted a schema in the 90's where every family with children are obligated to take their children to Florida in alternating years, so that fully half of the population of British elementary school children are crammed through the airports of the UK during the week after Easter each year. Being the parrents of two children under six, I have what I think is a remarkable patience for the antics of your average tot. But cram a plane full of two hundred plus kids who know full well that they're on their way to see freaking Mickey Mouse and even my angel-like patience wears pretty thin, What's good about this is that it reminds me that our kids, who settle in to their seats and amuse themselves with a coloring book for hours on end (either drawing in it or eating it, depending on which kid you're talking about) with an occasional polite squelch for a new cup full of juice, are pretty much the exception. Seriously. You. Who thought it would be a good idea to give your four year old a Cosco valu-bag of Starburst and a miniature fucking xylophone ten minutes before takeoff. You will go to hell. On the other hand, this did lead me to discover that even my cheap $15 headphones could be noise-cancelling like the expensive Bose brand if I shoved them hard enough into my ear drums.

Story day at Queen's: The Critter was one of the few who didn't show up in a generic witch's costume leftover from Halloween telling people she was Hermione/Wicked of the East/Mildred Hubble. Nothing a few yards of fuzzy cloth and a little daddy paper mache ingenuity can't tackle.

"Hey Dad?" "Yes, Oh Fruit Of My Loins." "You remember the other day, when I had, you know, when we were going, I mean, before we left, um, and I was going to, er, and then I put it down, and I was looking for it, and do you remember, um, I was just upstairs looking, I mean, it wasn't where I left it and I looked everywhere, and I really wanted to find, um, remember? Remember the other day, when were were going, I asked you about, um, and I had it with me, and nowIcan'tfinditandIreallywantitcanyouhelpmefindit?" "..." "Daddy! "I see that it's past time to introduce you to the concept of the noun."