Bram Stoker's Menagerie

Man pummels 'vampire' peacock
A peacock that roamed into the parking lot of a Burger King in New York City was beaten by a man who insisted it was a vampire. Animal control officials in Staten Island say the bird was beaten so fiercely that most of its tail feathers fell out and it had to be euthanized. The seven-year-old male peacock wandered into the restaurant parking lot and perched on a car hood last week. Charmed employees had been feeding it bread when the man appeared. A restaurant worker says the man grabbed the bird by the neck, hurled it to the ground and started stomping it. She says when he was asked what he was doing, he responded, "'I'm killing a vampire!"'
I read this and thought: "I bet the guy who owned the car that idiot bird was ruining the paint of was secretly glad."
Read More

Happy Independence Day

"Should we take the Critter out of school for the 4th?" "Of course we should, it's a holiday, and she's American." "Ok, but we have to write a note to the Headmistress." "Yeah. They're 'quite fussy' about things like that at the Queen's School for Girls" "Exactly." "Ok. How about this: "Dear Headmistress. We're taking our daughter out of school for the day. Because we won the war! Ha!" "Hmm. I'm thinking no. Because we want her to be allowed back next year." "Oh. Yeah. There is that."
Read More

Funny, funny stuff

Ashtanga yoga: the action figures
Karai: "Good morning. I'm Karai, and I'll be teaching your class. I am the highest-ranking member of the Foot Clan, archrivals of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Also, these are my weapons and that's my extra head."
Karai: "And continue your vinyasa by arching up, then jumping back into plank, and scooping up into urdhva mukha svanasana." Naruto: "Dude, do you have any idea what she's talking about?" Pirate: "Aye, I've been practicing ashtanga yoga for twenty-five years."
Read More